If a man is crossing a river and an empty boat collides with his own, even though he might be a bad tempered man, he will not become very angry. But if he sees a man in a boat, he will shout at him to steer clear and if the shout is not heard, he will shout again, and yet again, and begin cursing. And all because there is somebody in the boat. Yet if the boat was empty, he would not be shouting and will not be angry.
If you can empty your own boat, crossing the river of the world, no one will oppose you and no one will seek to harm you.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
妻子的空位(The Irreplaceable Void)
我的妻子因為意外事故離開我身邊已經四年了，我想，妻子留下不會做任何家事的我和孩子，她的心有何等難過呢？我也因為無法兼顧父母雙親的角色而感到挫折。有一天我為了出差，清晨趕出門，無法將孩子打點好就得離開家，正巧前一天有剩下的飯，我熱了蒸蛋，向還沒有睡醒的孩子交代一聲，就出門去了。
4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child. There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
為了照顧好孩子飲食三餐的事，我也無力把自己的工作做好。有一天晚上回到家，我只是很簡短地和孩子打個招呼，就因為身體疲累，不想吃晚餐，脫掉西裝之後就直接往床上躺下。就在那個時候，砰的一聲，紅色的湯汁跟泡麵瞬時弄髒了床單和被單，原來有碗泡麵在棉被裡！這小子真是的，說時遲那時快，我即時拿起一個衣架，跑出去，往正玩著玩具的兒子的屁股就打，因為我實在是太生氣了，所以不停地打他。但就在這個時候，他邊啜泣邊說了一段話，使我停了下來。
With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket! Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:
兒子告訴我說：「飯鍋裡的飯早上已經吃完了，晚餐在幼稚園吃了，但是到了晚上，爸爸還不回來，我就在櫥櫃的抽屜裡找到了泡麵。可是我想到爸爸說不能亂動瓦斯爐，所以我就打開洗澡的水龍頭，用熱水泡了泡麵，一個自己吃，另一個想留給爸爸吃。因為怕泡麵涼掉，所以我就把它放在棉被裡，等你回來。可是因為我正在玩向朋友借來的玩具，所以忘了跟爸爸講。」
"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."
我不想讓兒子看到我在流淚，所以衝到洗手間，將水龍頭打開，大聲地哭。過了一陣子之後，我打起精神來，一面哄著兒子，一面也在他屁股上擦藥，讓他上床睡覺。當我清理好泡麵弄髒的床單和棉被後，打開兒子的房門一看，發現他仍舊發出哭泣聲，手裡還拿著媽媽的照片。我把頭靠在房門站了許久，看著這一幕。
At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.
自從在一年前發生這件事之後，我為了扮演好媽媽的角色，更加用心地去照顧他。現在兒子快七歲了，不久後就要從幼稚園畢業，進入國小讀書。慶幸的是，兒子在這段時間毫無陰影，很開朗地成長。
A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.
就在不久前，我再一次打孩子，因為幼稚園來電話說，兒子沒有去學校，我心裡覺得很不安，所以早退回家，在整個社區裡大聲地喊他的名字，卻是遍尋不著。後來在文具店的門?f，看見他站在電玩的前面，於是我很生氣，又開始一直打他。兒子並沒有說出任何的解釋，只說了聲對不起。後來我才知道，原來剛好是幼稚園要邀請媽媽去 看才藝表演的日子。
However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....
發生這些事的幾天後，兒子回家說，他在幼稚園裡學了寫字，從此他經常關在自己的房間裡不出來，很認真地寫字。我看到兒子這個樣子，想到妻子在天國也一定會因為看到他這樣而微笑，我就無法忍住淚水。
Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!
時間很快，又過了一年，到了冬天，街頭上都在播放著聖誕節的歌曲，我的兒子卻又闖了一個禍。我正要下班的時候，接到一通社區郵局的電話，說我兒子把一綑沒有寫地址的信，惡作劇地放在郵筒裡。每年到了年底，正是郵局最忙碌的時候，所以這對他們造成很大的困擾。雖然我已決定不再打孩子，但在急忙趕回家後，叫了兒子來，我又忍不住痛打他一頓。兒子這一次只是說他做錯了，卻沒有講出任何理由。我把他推到一個角落，不管了，自個兒跑到郵局領回那一綑惡作劇的信。我把信丟到他眼前說：「你為什麼要這樣惡作劇？」兒子哭著回答說：「這些信是我要寄給媽媽的。」
Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year. His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.
當時我的眼眶紅了起來，心裡很激動，但是因為在兒子面前，所以我盡量隱忍住沒有表現出來。我接著問他：「那麼，為什麼一次寄這麼多信呢？」兒子回答說：「以前我要把信投進去的時候，因為個兒太矮，所以沒辦法投入，但是最近我再去郵筒時，已經搆得到了，所以我就把以前沒有寄的，一次全部都投進入了。」
My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."
我聽了以後，心中一片茫然，不知道該對孩子說什麼話。過了不久以後，我就跟他說：「媽媽現在在天上，以後你寫完信，把信燒了，就能送到天國去。」等孩子睡著之後，我到外面燒了那些信。我很好奇到底孩子想跟媽媽說些什麼，所以讀了其中的幾封信。
After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say...... I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.
而當中有一封信攪動了我的心。 And one of the letters broke my heart.... 親愛的媽媽： 我很想念你！媽媽，今天在幼稚園有才藝表演，但是因為我沒有媽媽，所以沒有去參加，我也沒有告訴爸爸，怕爸爸會想念媽媽。爸爸到處去找我，但我為了讓爸爸看到我很開心的樣子，所以故意坐在電動玩具面前，雖然爸爸罵我，但是我到最後也沒有告訴他原因。媽媽，我每天都看到爸爸因為想念媽媽而哭泣，我想爸爸也跟我一樣，很想念媽媽吧！但是，媽，我現在已經記不清楚你的臉。媽媽，請你讓我在夢中，再一次能夠看到你的臉，好嗎？聽說把想念的人的照片放在懷裡睡覺，就會夢到那個人。可是，媽媽，為什麼你沒有出現在我的夢裡呢？」
Dear Mummy, I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?
讀完這封信以後，我就開始嚎啕大哭。到底什麼時候，我才能填補妻子的空位呢？ After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....
給 已經結婚的女同事： 不要加太多班，工作做不完，一定是公司的某些地方出問題了，一定要將問題反應給妳的老闆，一直加班也不見的有用的，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以?好疼惜妳的小寶貝。
For the females with children: Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.
給 已經結婚的男同事： 不要喝太多酒，不要抽太多煙，請問我們的生意，我們的客戶，有比我們的身體重要嗎？ 一定要想一想，有沒有辦法做到客人非我們不行，我們的差異化在哪裡，我們是否真的懂客人的心，這比拼命喝酒，還重要，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以好好疼惜妳的小寶貝和你的愛人。
For the married men: Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.
給 還沒有結婚的男同事和女同事： For those singles out there: Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.
美其實是從愛自己的身體開始--（蔣勳，身體美學）。 無入而不自得-- （孔子）。 妳/你們一定要很自在，工作才能做的好，如果工作讓你/妳們的心情做的很辛苦，代表的是我們的公司不夠聰明，那也是公司什麼地方不對了，要勇敢的說出來，不要讓不聰明的工作與老闆，傷害了妳/你們的身體。
4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child. There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
為了照顧好孩子飲食三餐的事，我也無力把自己的工作做好。有一天晚上回到家，我只是很簡短地和孩子打個招呼，就因為身體疲累，不想吃晚餐，脫掉西裝之後就直接往床上躺下。就在那個時候，砰的一聲，紅色的湯汁跟泡麵瞬時弄髒了床單和被單，原來有碗泡麵在棉被裡！這小子真是的，說時遲那時快，我即時拿起一個衣架，跑出去，往正玩著玩具的兒子的屁股就打，因為我實在是太生氣了，所以不停地打他。但就在這個時候，他邊啜泣邊說了一段話，使我停了下來。
With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket! Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:
兒子告訴我說：「飯鍋裡的飯早上已經吃完了，晚餐在幼稚園吃了，但是到了晚上，爸爸還不回來，我就在櫥櫃的抽屜裡找到了泡麵。可是我想到爸爸說不能亂動瓦斯爐，所以我就打開洗澡的水龍頭，用熱水泡了泡麵，一個自己吃，另一個想留給爸爸吃。因為怕泡麵涼掉，所以我就把它放在棉被裡，等你回來。可是因為我正在玩向朋友借來的玩具，所以忘了跟爸爸講。」
"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."
我不想讓兒子看到我在流淚，所以衝到洗手間，將水龍頭打開，大聲地哭。過了一陣子之後，我打起精神來，一面哄著兒子，一面也在他屁股上擦藥，讓他上床睡覺。當我清理好泡麵弄髒的床單和棉被後，打開兒子的房門一看，發現他仍舊發出哭泣聲，手裡還拿著媽媽的照片。我把頭靠在房門站了許久，看著這一幕。
At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.
自從在一年前發生這件事之後，我為了扮演好媽媽的角色，更加用心地去照顧他。現在兒子快七歲了，不久後就要從幼稚園畢業，進入國小讀書。慶幸的是，兒子在這段時間毫無陰影，很開朗地成長。
A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.
就在不久前，我再一次打孩子，因為幼稚園來電話說，兒子沒有去學校，我心裡覺得很不安，所以早退回家，在整個社區裡大聲地喊他的名字，卻是遍尋不著。後來在文具店的門?f，看見他站在電玩的前面，於是我很生氣，又開始一直打他。兒子並沒有說出任何的解釋，只說了聲對不起。後來我才知道，原來剛好是幼稚園要邀請媽媽去 看才藝表演的日子。
However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....
發生這些事的幾天後，兒子回家說，他在幼稚園裡學了寫字，從此他經常關在自己的房間裡不出來，很認真地寫字。我看到兒子這個樣子，想到妻子在天國也一定會因為看到他這樣而微笑，我就無法忍住淚水。
Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!
時間很快，又過了一年，到了冬天，街頭上都在播放著聖誕節的歌曲，我的兒子卻又闖了一個禍。我正要下班的時候，接到一通社區郵局的電話，說我兒子把一綑沒有寫地址的信，惡作劇地放在郵筒裡。每年到了年底，正是郵局最忙碌的時候，所以這對他們造成很大的困擾。雖然我已決定不再打孩子，但在急忙趕回家後，叫了兒子來，我又忍不住痛打他一頓。兒子這一次只是說他做錯了，卻沒有講出任何理由。我把他推到一個角落，不管了，自個兒跑到郵局領回那一綑惡作劇的信。我把信丟到他眼前說：「你為什麼要這樣惡作劇？」兒子哭著回答說：「這些信是我要寄給媽媽的。」
Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year. His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.
當時我的眼眶紅了起來，心裡很激動，但是因為在兒子面前，所以我盡量隱忍住沒有表現出來。我接著問他：「那麼，為什麼一次寄這麼多信呢？」兒子回答說：「以前我要把信投進去的時候，因為個兒太矮，所以沒辦法投入，但是最近我再去郵筒時，已經搆得到了，所以我就把以前沒有寄的，一次全部都投進入了。」
My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."
我聽了以後，心中一片茫然，不知道該對孩子說什麼話。過了不久以後，我就跟他說：「媽媽現在在天上，以後你寫完信，把信燒了，就能送到天國去。」等孩子睡著之後，我到外面燒了那些信。我很好奇到底孩子想跟媽媽說些什麼，所以讀了其中的幾封信。
After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say...... I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.
而當中有一封信攪動了我的心。 And one of the letters broke my heart.... 親愛的媽媽： 我很想念你！媽媽，今天在幼稚園有才藝表演，但是因為我沒有媽媽，所以沒有去參加，我也沒有告訴爸爸，怕爸爸會想念媽媽。爸爸到處去找我，但我為了讓爸爸看到我很開心的樣子，所以故意坐在電動玩具面前，雖然爸爸罵我，但是我到最後也沒有告訴他原因。媽媽，我每天都看到爸爸因為想念媽媽而哭泣，我想爸爸也跟我一樣，很想念媽媽吧！但是，媽，我現在已經記不清楚你的臉。媽媽，請你讓我在夢中，再一次能夠看到你的臉，好嗎？聽說把想念的人的照片放在懷裡睡覺，就會夢到那個人。可是，媽媽，為什麼你沒有出現在我的夢裡呢？」
Dear Mummy, I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?
讀完這封信以後，我就開始嚎啕大哭。到底什麼時候，我才能填補妻子的空位呢？ After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....
給 已經結婚的女同事： 不要加太多班，工作做不完，一定是公司的某些地方出問題了，一定要將問題反應給妳的老闆，一直加班也不見的有用的，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以?好疼惜妳的小寶貝。
For the females with children: Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.
給 已經結婚的男同事： 不要喝太多酒，不要抽太多煙，請問我們的生意，我們的客戶，有比我們的身體重要嗎？ 一定要想一想，有沒有辦法做到客人非我們不行，我們的差異化在哪裡，我們是否真的懂客人的心，這比拼命喝酒，還重要，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以好好疼惜妳的小寶貝和你的愛人。
For the married men: Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.
給 還沒有結婚的男同事和女同事： For those singles out there: Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.
美其實是從愛自己的身體開始--（蔣勳，身體美學）。 無入而不自得-- （孔子）。 妳/你們一定要很自在，工作才能做的好，如果工作讓你/妳們的心情做的很辛苦，代表的是我們的公司不夠聰明，那也是公司什麼地方不對了，要勇敢的說出來，不要讓不聰明的工作與老闆，傷害了妳/你們的身體。
Friday, July 17, 2009
Lee Kuan Yew On Aging
MY CONCERN today is, what is it I can tell you which can add to your knowledge about ageing and what ageing societies can do. You know more about this subject than I do. A lot of it is out in the media, Internet and books. So I thought the best way would be to take a personal standpoint and tell you how I approach this question of ageing.
If I cast my mind back, I can see turning points in my physical and mental health. You know, when you're young, I didn't bother, assumed good health was God-given and would always be there. When I was about -'57 that was - I was about 34, we were competing in elections, and I was really fond of drinking beer and smoking.. And after the election campaign, in Victoria Memorial Hall - we had won the election, the City Council election - I couldn't thank the voters because I had lost my voice.. I'd been smoking furiously. I'd take a packet of 10 to deceive myself, but I'd run through the packet just sitting on the stage, watching the crowd, getting the feeling, the mood before I speak. In other words, there were three speeches a night. Three speeches a night, 30 cigarettes, a lot of beer after that, and the voice was gone.
I remember I had a case in Kuching, Sarawak. So I took the flight and I felt awful. I had to make up my mind whether I was going to be an effective campaigner and a lawyer, in which case I cannot destroy my voice, and I can't go on. So I stopped smoking. It was a tremendous deprivation because I was addicted to it. And I used to wake up dreaming...the nightmare was I resumed smoking..
But I made a choice and said, if I continue this, I will not be able to do my job. I didn't know anything about cancer of the throat or oesophagus or the lungs, etc. But it turned out it had many other deleterious effects.
Strangely enough after that, I became very allergic, hyper-allergic to smoking, so much so that I would plead with my Cabinet ministers not to smoke in the Cabinet room. You want to smoke, please go out, because I am allergic..
Then one day I was at the home of my colleague, Mr Rajaratnam, meeting foreign correspondents including some from the London Times and they took a picture of me and I had a big belly like that (puts his hands in front of his belly), a beer belly. I felt no, no, this will not do. So I started playing more golf, hit hundreds of balls on the practice tee. But this didn't go down. There was only one way it could go down: consume less, burn up more..
Another turning point came when - this was 1976, after the general election - I was feeling tired. I was breathing deeply at the Istana, on the lawns. My daughter, who at that time just graduating as a doctor, said: 'What are you trying to do?' I said: 'I feel an effort to breathe in more oxygen.' She said: 'Don't play golf. Run. Aerobics.' So she gave me a book, quite a famous book and, then, very current in America on how you score aerobic points swimming, running, whatever it is, cycling. I looked at it sceptically. I wasn't very keen on running. I was keen on golf. So I said, 'Let's try'. So in-between golf shots while playing on my own, sometimes nine holes at the Istana, I would try and walk fast between shots.. Then I began to run between shots. And I felt better. After a while, I said: 'Okay, after my golf, I run.' And after a few years, I said: 'Golf takes so long. The running takes 15 minutes. Let's cut out the golf and let's run.
'I think the most important thing in ageing is you got to understand yourself. And the knowledge now is all there. When I was growing up, the knowledge wasn't there. I had to get the knowledge from friends, from doctors. But, perhaps, the most important bit of knowledge that the doctor gave me was one day, when I said: 'Look, I'm feeling slower and sluggish.' So he gave me a medical encyclopaedia and he turned the pages to ageing. I read it up and it was illuminating. A lot of it was difficult jargon but I just skimmed through to get the gist of it.
As you grow, you reach 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 and then, thereafter, you are on a gradual slope down physically. Mentally, you carry on and on and on until I don't know what age, but mathematicians will tell you that they know their best output is when they're in their 20s and 30s when your mental energy is powerful and you haven't lost many neurons.. That's what they tell me.
So, as you acquire more knowledge, you then craft a programme for yourself to maximise what you have. It's just common sense. I never planned to live till 85 or 84! I just didn't think about it. I said: 'Well, my mother died when she was 74, she had a stroke. My father died when he was 94.'But I saw him, and he lived a long life, well, maybe it was his DNA. But more than that, he swam every day and he kept himself busy. He was working for the Shell company. He was in charge, he was a superintendent of an oil depot. When he retired, he started becoming a salesman. So people used to tell me: 'Your father is selling watches at BP de Silva.' My father was then living with me. But it kept him busy. He had that routine: He meets people, he sells watches, he buys and sells all kinds of semi-precious stones, he circulates coins. And he keeps going. But at 87, 88, he fell, going down the steps from his room to the dining room, broke his arm, three months incapacitated. Thereafter, he couldn't go back to swimming. Then he became wheelchair-bound.
Then it became a problem because my house was constructed that way. So my brother, who's a doctor and had a flat (one-level) house, took him in. And he lived on till 94. But towards the end, he had gradual loss of mental powers.
So my calculations, I'm somewhere between 74 and 94. And I've reached the halfway point now. But have I? Well, 1996 when I was 73, I was cycling and I felt tightening on the neck. Oh, I must retire today. So I stopped. Next day, I returned to the bicycle. After five minutes it became worse.
So I said, no, no, this is something serious, it's got to do with the blood vessels. Rung up my doctor, who said, 'Come tomorrow'. Went tomorrow, he checked me, and said: 'Come back tomorrow for an angiogram.' I said: 'What's that?' He said: 'We'll pump something in and we'll see whether the coronary arteries are cleared or blocked.' I was going to go home. But an MP who was a cardiologist happened to be around, so he came in and said: 'What are you doing here?' I said: 'I've got this.' He said: 'Don't go home.. You stay here tonight. I've sent patients home and they never came back. Just stay here. They'll put you on the monitor. They'll watch your heart. And if anything, an emergency arises, they will take you straight to the theatre.. You go home. You've got no such monitor. You may never come back.
'So I stayed there. Pumped in the dye, yes it was blocked, the left circumflex, not the critical, lead one. So that's lucky for me. Two weeks later, I was walking around, I felt it's coming back. Yes it has come back, it had occluded. So this time they said: 'We'll put in a stent.
'I'm one of the first few in Singapore to have the stent, so it was a brand new operation. Fortunately, the man who invented the stent was out here selling his stent. He was from San Jose, La Jolla something or the other. So my doctor got hold of him and he supervised the operation. He said put the stent in. My doctor did the operation, he just watched it all and then that's that. That was before all this problem about lining the stent to make sure that it doesn't occlude and create a disturbance.
So at each stage, I learnt something more about myself and I stored that. I said: 'Oh, this is now a danger point.' So alright, cut out fats, change diet, went to see a specialist in Boston, Massachusetts General Hospital. He said: 'Take statins.' I said: 'What's that?' He said: '(They) help to reduce your cholesterol.' My doctors were concerned. They said: 'You don't need it. Your cholesterol levels are okay.' Two years later, more medical evidence came out.. So the doctors said: 'Take statins.
'Had there been no angioplasty, had I not known that something was up and I cycled on, I might have gone at 74 like my mother. So I missed that deadline.
So next deadline: my father's fall at 87.
I'm very careful now because sometimes when I turn around too fast, I feel as if I'm going to get off balance. So my daughter, a neurologist, she took me to the NNI, there's this nerve conduction test, put electrodes here and there. The transmission of the messages between the feet and the brain has slowed down.
So all the exercise, everything, effort put in, I'm fit, I swim, I cycle.. But I can't prevent this losing of conductivity of the nerves and this transmission. So just go slow.
So when I climb up the steps, I have no problem. When I go down the steps, I need to be sure that I've got something I can hang on to, just in case.. So it's a constant process of adjustment.
But I think the most important single lesson I learnt in life was that if you isolate yourself, you're done for. The human being is a social animal - he needs stimuli, he needs to meet people, to catch up with the world..
I don't much like travel but I travel very frequently despite the jet lag, because I get to meet people of great interest to me, who will help me in my work as chairman of our GIC. So I know, I'm on several boards of banks, international advisory boards of banks, of oil companies and so on. And I meet them and I get to understand what's happening in the world, what has changed since I was here one month ago, one year ago. I go to India, I go to China.
And that stimuli brings me to the world of today. I'm not living in the world, when I was active, more active 20, 30 years ago. So I tell my wife. She woke up late today. I said: 'Never mind, you come along by 12 o'clock. I go first.
'If you sit back - because part of the ending part of the encyclopaedia which I read was very depressing - as you get old, you withdraw from everything and then all you will have is your bedroom and the photographs and the furniture that you know, and that's your world. So if you've got to go to hospital, the doctor advises you to bring some photographs so that you'll know you're not lost in a different world, that this is like your bedroom.
I'm determined that I will not, as long as I can, to be reduced, to have my horizons closed on me like that. It is the stimuli, it is the constant interaction with people across the world that keeps me aware and alive to what's going on and what we can do to adjust to this different world.
In other words, you must have an interest in life. If you believe that at 55, you're retiring, you're going to read books, play golf and drink wine, then I think you're done for. So statistically they will show you that all the people who retire and lead sedentary lives, the pensioners die off very quickly.
So we now have a social problem with medical sciences, new procedures, new drugs, many more people are going to live long lives. If the mindset is that when I reach retirement age 62, I'm old, I can't work anymore, I don't have to work, I just sit back, now is the time I'll enjoy life, I think you're making the biggest mistake of your life. After one month, or after two months, even if you go travelling with nothing to do, with no purpose in life, you will just degrade, you'll go to seed.
The human being needs a challenge, and my advice to every person in Singapore and elsewhere: Keep yourself interested, have a challenge. If you're not interested in the world and the world is not interested in you, the biggest punishment a man can receive is total isolation in a dungeon, black and complete withdrawal of all stimuli, that's real torture.. So when I read that people believe, Singaporeans say: 'Oh, 62 I'm retiring.' I say to them: 'You really want to die quickly?' If you want to see sunrise tomorrow or sunset, you must have a reason, you must have the stimuli to keep going'.
Applies to us too, folks.
If I cast my mind back, I can see turning points in my physical and mental health. You know, when you're young, I didn't bother, assumed good health was God-given and would always be there. When I was about -'57 that was - I was about 34, we were competing in elections, and I was really fond of drinking beer and smoking.. And after the election campaign, in Victoria Memorial Hall - we had won the election, the City Council election - I couldn't thank the voters because I had lost my voice.. I'd been smoking furiously. I'd take a packet of 10 to deceive myself, but I'd run through the packet just sitting on the stage, watching the crowd, getting the feeling, the mood before I speak. In other words, there were three speeches a night. Three speeches a night, 30 cigarettes, a lot of beer after that, and the voice was gone.
I remember I had a case in Kuching, Sarawak. So I took the flight and I felt awful. I had to make up my mind whether I was going to be an effective campaigner and a lawyer, in which case I cannot destroy my voice, and I can't go on. So I stopped smoking. It was a tremendous deprivation because I was addicted to it. And I used to wake up dreaming...the nightmare was I resumed smoking..
But I made a choice and said, if I continue this, I will not be able to do my job. I didn't know anything about cancer of the throat or oesophagus or the lungs, etc. But it turned out it had many other deleterious effects.
Strangely enough after that, I became very allergic, hyper-allergic to smoking, so much so that I would plead with my Cabinet ministers not to smoke in the Cabinet room. You want to smoke, please go out, because I am allergic..
Then one day I was at the home of my colleague, Mr Rajaratnam, meeting foreign correspondents including some from the London Times and they took a picture of me and I had a big belly like that (puts his hands in front of his belly), a beer belly. I felt no, no, this will not do. So I started playing more golf, hit hundreds of balls on the practice tee. But this didn't go down. There was only one way it could go down: consume less, burn up more..
Another turning point came when - this was 1976, after the general election - I was feeling tired. I was breathing deeply at the Istana, on the lawns. My daughter, who at that time just graduating as a doctor, said: 'What are you trying to do?' I said: 'I feel an effort to breathe in more oxygen.' She said: 'Don't play golf. Run. Aerobics.' So she gave me a book, quite a famous book and, then, very current in America on how you score aerobic points swimming, running, whatever it is, cycling. I looked at it sceptically. I wasn't very keen on running. I was keen on golf. So I said, 'Let's try'. So in-between golf shots while playing on my own, sometimes nine holes at the Istana, I would try and walk fast between shots.. Then I began to run between shots. And I felt better. After a while, I said: 'Okay, after my golf, I run.' And after a few years, I said: 'Golf takes so long. The running takes 15 minutes. Let's cut out the golf and let's run.
'I think the most important thing in ageing is you got to understand yourself. And the knowledge now is all there. When I was growing up, the knowledge wasn't there. I had to get the knowledge from friends, from doctors. But, perhaps, the most important bit of knowledge that the doctor gave me was one day, when I said: 'Look, I'm feeling slower and sluggish.' So he gave me a medical encyclopaedia and he turned the pages to ageing. I read it up and it was illuminating. A lot of it was difficult jargon but I just skimmed through to get the gist of it.
As you grow, you reach 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 and then, thereafter, you are on a gradual slope down physically. Mentally, you carry on and on and on until I don't know what age, but mathematicians will tell you that they know their best output is when they're in their 20s and 30s when your mental energy is powerful and you haven't lost many neurons.. That's what they tell me.
So, as you acquire more knowledge, you then craft a programme for yourself to maximise what you have. It's just common sense. I never planned to live till 85 or 84! I just didn't think about it. I said: 'Well, my mother died when she was 74, she had a stroke. My father died when he was 94.'But I saw him, and he lived a long life, well, maybe it was his DNA. But more than that, he swam every day and he kept himself busy. He was working for the Shell company. He was in charge, he was a superintendent of an oil depot. When he retired, he started becoming a salesman. So people used to tell me: 'Your father is selling watches at BP de Silva.' My father was then living with me. But it kept him busy. He had that routine: He meets people, he sells watches, he buys and sells all kinds of semi-precious stones, he circulates coins. And he keeps going. But at 87, 88, he fell, going down the steps from his room to the dining room, broke his arm, three months incapacitated. Thereafter, he couldn't go back to swimming. Then he became wheelchair-bound.
Then it became a problem because my house was constructed that way. So my brother, who's a doctor and had a flat (one-level) house, took him in. And he lived on till 94. But towards the end, he had gradual loss of mental powers.
So my calculations, I'm somewhere between 74 and 94. And I've reached the halfway point now. But have I? Well, 1996 when I was 73, I was cycling and I felt tightening on the neck. Oh, I must retire today. So I stopped. Next day, I returned to the bicycle. After five minutes it became worse.
So I said, no, no, this is something serious, it's got to do with the blood vessels. Rung up my doctor, who said, 'Come tomorrow'. Went tomorrow, he checked me, and said: 'Come back tomorrow for an angiogram.' I said: 'What's that?' He said: 'We'll pump something in and we'll see whether the coronary arteries are cleared or blocked.' I was going to go home. But an MP who was a cardiologist happened to be around, so he came in and said: 'What are you doing here?' I said: 'I've got this.' He said: 'Don't go home.. You stay here tonight. I've sent patients home and they never came back. Just stay here. They'll put you on the monitor. They'll watch your heart. And if anything, an emergency arises, they will take you straight to the theatre.. You go home. You've got no such monitor. You may never come back.
'So I stayed there. Pumped in the dye, yes it was blocked, the left circumflex, not the critical, lead one. So that's lucky for me. Two weeks later, I was walking around, I felt it's coming back. Yes it has come back, it had occluded. So this time they said: 'We'll put in a stent.
'I'm one of the first few in Singapore to have the stent, so it was a brand new operation. Fortunately, the man who invented the stent was out here selling his stent. He was from San Jose, La Jolla something or the other. So my doctor got hold of him and he supervised the operation. He said put the stent in. My doctor did the operation, he just watched it all and then that's that. That was before all this problem about lining the stent to make sure that it doesn't occlude and create a disturbance.
So at each stage, I learnt something more about myself and I stored that. I said: 'Oh, this is now a danger point.' So alright, cut out fats, change diet, went to see a specialist in Boston, Massachusetts General Hospital. He said: 'Take statins.' I said: 'What's that?' He said: '(They) help to reduce your cholesterol.' My doctors were concerned. They said: 'You don't need it. Your cholesterol levels are okay.' Two years later, more medical evidence came out.. So the doctors said: 'Take statins.
'Had there been no angioplasty, had I not known that something was up and I cycled on, I might have gone at 74 like my mother. So I missed that deadline.
So next deadline: my father's fall at 87.
I'm very careful now because sometimes when I turn around too fast, I feel as if I'm going to get off balance. So my daughter, a neurologist, she took me to the NNI, there's this nerve conduction test, put electrodes here and there. The transmission of the messages between the feet and the brain has slowed down.
So all the exercise, everything, effort put in, I'm fit, I swim, I cycle.. But I can't prevent this losing of conductivity of the nerves and this transmission. So just go slow.
So when I climb up the steps, I have no problem. When I go down the steps, I need to be sure that I've got something I can hang on to, just in case.. So it's a constant process of adjustment.
But I think the most important single lesson I learnt in life was that if you isolate yourself, you're done for. The human being is a social animal - he needs stimuli, he needs to meet people, to catch up with the world..
I don't much like travel but I travel very frequently despite the jet lag, because I get to meet people of great interest to me, who will help me in my work as chairman of our GIC. So I know, I'm on several boards of banks, international advisory boards of banks, of oil companies and so on. And I meet them and I get to understand what's happening in the world, what has changed since I was here one month ago, one year ago. I go to India, I go to China.
And that stimuli brings me to the world of today. I'm not living in the world, when I was active, more active 20, 30 years ago. So I tell my wife. She woke up late today. I said: 'Never mind, you come along by 12 o'clock. I go first.
'If you sit back - because part of the ending part of the encyclopaedia which I read was very depressing - as you get old, you withdraw from everything and then all you will have is your bedroom and the photographs and the furniture that you know, and that's your world. So if you've got to go to hospital, the doctor advises you to bring some photographs so that you'll know you're not lost in a different world, that this is like your bedroom.
I'm determined that I will not, as long as I can, to be reduced, to have my horizons closed on me like that. It is the stimuli, it is the constant interaction with people across the world that keeps me aware and alive to what's going on and what we can do to adjust to this different world.
In other words, you must have an interest in life. If you believe that at 55, you're retiring, you're going to read books, play golf and drink wine, then I think you're done for. So statistically they will show you that all the people who retire and lead sedentary lives, the pensioners die off very quickly.
So we now have a social problem with medical sciences, new procedures, new drugs, many more people are going to live long lives. If the mindset is that when I reach retirement age 62, I'm old, I can't work anymore, I don't have to work, I just sit back, now is the time I'll enjoy life, I think you're making the biggest mistake of your life. After one month, or after two months, even if you go travelling with nothing to do, with no purpose in life, you will just degrade, you'll go to seed.
The human being needs a challenge, and my advice to every person in Singapore and elsewhere: Keep yourself interested, have a challenge. If you're not interested in the world and the world is not interested in you, the biggest punishment a man can receive is total isolation in a dungeon, black and complete withdrawal of all stimuli, that's real torture.. So when I read that people believe, Singaporeans say: 'Oh, 62 I'm retiring.' I say to them: 'You really want to die quickly?' If you want to see sunrise tomorrow or sunset, you must have a reason, you must have the stimuli to keep going'.
Applies to us too, folks.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
45 Lessons of Life
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio : "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will > this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will > this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Conversation with God
A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said,' God , I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.' God led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it impossible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, 'You have seen Hell.' They went to the next room and opened the door.
It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equiped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand..'
'It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Monday, February 9, 2009
Six Lessons
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.The priest nearly had an accident.After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'Puff! She's gone.'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'Puff! He's gone.'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.''Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.The dung was actually thawing him out!He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.The priest nearly had an accident.After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'Puff! She's gone.'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'Puff! He's gone.'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.''Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.The dung was actually thawing him out!He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Forgive
Someone once hurt me very deeply and badly. Probably not once, not twice, not thrice... I was very furious and devastated. Screaming and shouting like a mad man in my room. Crying and crying like a baby.. But did that help in anything? I felt even worse... I came to realise that...
Hatred can never be ceased by hatred, but only love...
All these pain didn't manage to defeat me... It only mould me into a stronger person.. To bear what others cannot bear.. To forgive what others cannot forgive...
Forgive and be free....
Forget that you have forgiven and be freer...
Hatred can never be ceased by hatred, but only love...
All these pain didn't manage to defeat me... It only mould me into a stronger person.. To bear what others cannot bear.. To forgive what others cannot forgive...
Forgive and be free....
Forget that you have forgiven and be freer...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Happy Chinese New Year
Finally this dreadful year of mine has arrived.... Few years back i already knew that this particular 2009 year will be very bad for me but luckily its just only one year! No matter where i went, those monks and priests will tell me about this year. So guess it must be something quite serious. Anyway i will just lead my life as normal and take things as it comes. When things happened, it must happen for a reason. It must be due to my own mistakes and faults in the past so i should be responsible for my own actions.
Anyway today i'm going to share with you guys the difference between goodness. In accumulating merits, there are differences between genuine and fake goodness, upright and crooked goodness, hidden and visible goodness, goodness which brings on negative effects, one sided and proper goodness, half and full goodness, big and small goodness, difficult and easy goodness. So we must have a thorough understanding of these different types of goodness before we can really cultivate goodness correctly. At times, we may think that we are practising good deeds but actually we are creating bad karma and wasting our effort.. Haha.. You didn't know that there are so many types right? Let me explain them now... ^_^
For example, we often hear people say, "So and so has practised good deeds but his descendants are not prosperous. So and so has created all bad deeds but his descendants flourish and are very wealthy." So, they regard the common saying, which stated that, "Rewards and retributions will follow one just like the shadow which follows the body" as nonsense.
In fact, these are the confused ones who cannot differentiate between true and false goodness and evil as they do not understand the genuine principle and hold on to wrong concepts. So, we should disregard the teaching of rewards and retribution in the working of cause and effect and treat it as some misleading talks to deceive people.
Let us take a look at genuine and fake goodness. Most people regard hitting people, scolding people and being greedy for wealth as bad. They say that we must be respectful and courteous to people and conduct ourselves with integrity. But such conduct is not necessary good or bad.
We must go further to investigate the motives and aims before we can come to a conclusion to differentiate the bad conduct from the good one. In other words, "As long as we wish to benefit other, then hitting and scolding people are considered as good. If we wish to pursure self benefit, the even respecting and being courteous to others are considered as evil."
In dealing with people in the world, if we can truly benefit others, this is genuine goodness. But if we only pursue self benefit, this is fake goodness. To help poeple with a kind heart is genuine goodness while showing off to other is fake goodness. To practise good deeds without demanding personal gain is genuine goodness while to plan and scheme for self benefit by doing good deeds is known as fake goodness.
Then what is it meant by upright goodness and crooked goodness? Most people say that a good man is one who is cautious and easy going. But sages believe that a good man is one who is brave to shoulder responsibilities, who is diffferent from commoners as he is bold, unpretentious and natural in temperament.
Very often, a man who is overly cautious, weak in nature is considered a good man. But such man is often weak and unsteady as he is easily influenced by others. He lacks the strong sense of will power, morality, righteousness and courage. Thus, from this point of view, we can see that there are many confused and nonsensical phenomena in the world. Overall, the spirits and ghosts between the Heaven and Earth hold the same view as the sages. They are different in point of views from the worldly people.
The difference between hidden virtues and visible goodness. Visible goodness refers to good deeds which are known by others while hidden virtues refer to good deeds which are not known by others. Visible goodness will bring us fame and praise while people who cultivate hidden virtues will greatly be blessed by the Heavens.
When the fame enjoyed by a man is more than his true worth, disaster will follow as fame is not a form of blessing. It should be avoided. Many famous people do not live up to their reputation because they have not accumulated enough merits and virtues. That is why, we often see unforeseen calamities befall upon their families.
So the ancients advised us, "We should not aim to have fame which surpasses our true worth. We must be humble always and maintain a low profile. A humble man is praised by sages." If a man, who has not committed any evil, were accused by others and could endure it, he must be a greatly virtuous man with lofty cultivation. His sons and descendants will often be wealthy and be highly respected by others.
So we must further investigate the statement of the commoners that evil people are often prosperous. On the whole, the difference between visible goodness and hidden virtues, is that the former is clearly seen by others while the latter is not known by others.
What is meant by cultivating goodness which has a negative effect? For example, according to the law in the state of Lu, a man who could pay a ransom in exchange for the captives held by the neighbouring country, would be rewarded by the government as an encouragement.
Zi gong, a student of Confucius did not take the reward after paying the ransom. Upon hearing that, Confucius reprimanded him, "You are wrong! The conduct of a virtuous man is able to bring about a change towards goodness on the culture and way of life of the multitude. He is a model for everyone. How could you act in accord with your temperament and just to get some false reputation?"
"In the state of Lu, we have very few rich people as most of them are very poor. You have shown them a bad example! Next time who will be willing to pay a ransom for the release of captives? People would be ashamed of themselves if they were to take the rewards! The tradition to exchange a captive with a ransom will gradually disappear."
Here is another example. Once Zi Lu who had saved a drowning man, accepted a cow as a token of gratitude from his master. On hearing that, Confucius commented,"In the future, Lu's citizens will surely be glad to help drowning people." This is because one is willing to save while another man is willing to show gratitude. Such conduct will gradually develop into a common practice in the society.
From the above two examples, most commoners would say that Zi Gong was a man of integrity as he was not greedy for the reward, while Zi Lu was wrong in accepting the cow as a reward. But Confucius looked at them from a different point of view. From here, we can come to a conclusion: Do not judge a man from his conduct, we must also consider the effect of such conduct on the society. Do not judge his present conduct, we must study the outcome of such behaviour. We should not judge a man from this gain or less. Instead we must see his impact on the multitude.
If the present conduct seems to be good but has a negative effect on others, it is goodness which only appears to be good but is not truly so. If his present conduct doesn't not appear to be good but can benefit others, it is the actual goodness which has a negative appearance.
Here are other examples. We must not be too lenient and forgive those who could only change their conduct by punishing them. We must truly teach them a good lesson. We must not over praise a man until he loses his senses. We should not for the sake of keeping a minor promises and bring on a greater disaster.
We must not spoil a child and face more trouble later. In fact, there are many more examples. We should calm down and investigate so as to change for the better. Or else it will benefit the saying of the commoners who after witnessing some bad examples, say that those who are kind hearted are struck to death by lightning.
What is meant by improper goodness and proper goodness? For example, once there was a Prime Minister Lu Wen Yi who after his retirement went back to his hometown. The villagers still honoured him. They had a high regard for him just as if he was the Tai Mountain.
One day a drunken villager gave him a good scolding but Mr Lu just kept quiet as he thought those were words of a drunkard. In the following year, the man's conduct deteriorated as he changed from bad to worse. Finally he was sentenced to death after committing a grave offence.
Mr Lu felt extremely regretful. He said, "Earlier on, if i had taken action against his bad conduct by sending him to the court, he would at least have learnt a lesson. Maybe he would not dared to commit such a severe offence which he had done now. "I was wrong in being too lenient with him. I was afraid that people would say that i was using my power to oppress others. And now, i have truly harmed him!" This is an example on how a kind hearted man has committed evil by being too good.
Here is another example of how a man has practised good deeds by being unkind. Once there was a famine and the hungry victims became so violent that they even robbed from others in broad daylight. A rich man reported to the government but no action was taken. And so the people's discipline became worse as they continued to rob without a care in their mind. The wealthy man was forced to punish the rioters and finally, he managed to restore peace in the village.
Most people know that it is proper to do good deeds and improper to commit evil deeds. But we must also understand another point that is if a man were to act with a kind heart but the outcome is bad, it is known as improper goodness. If a man were to act with a unkind mind but the outcome is good, it is then known as the proper goodness.
Morever what is meant by half goodness and full goodness? In Yi Jing(The Book of Change), it was thus stated, "A man who has not accumulated enough goodness will not become famous while a man who has not committed enough evil will not have to face destuction." Just like keeping things in a container, if we are diligent in gathering them, it will soon be full. But if we are lazy and heedless, it will not be full.
For example, formerly there was a woman who went to the pray at a temple. She wished to donate some money to the temple but she could only afford to give two cents as she came from a poor family. The Abbot will come out personally to bless her by reciting the Sutra and bowing in repentance on her behalf. Later when the woman became an honourable lady in the palace and brought a few thousand pieces of gold to donate to the temple. However the Abbot only asked his disciple to recite the Sutra for her on that occasion.
So she asked,"Formerly, i only donated two cents and you came personally to bless me. Today i have donated a few thousand pieces of gold, why didnt you offer your services?" The Abbot answered," Formerly even though the donation was small, you were very sincere. If i did not come to bless you personally, it would have been difficult to repay your kindness. Today your donation is quite alot but you are not as sincere as previously. Therefore, it is good enough to ask someone else to bless you." Taking this as an example, the donation of thousands of gold peices is half goodness and donation of two cents is full goodness.
There was an immortal Zhong Li, who wanted to teach Lu Dong Bin the magical art of transforming iron into gold so as to benefit the world. Mr Lu asked,"Will this type of gold return to its original form?"The immortal Zhong Li replied,"Yes! After five hundred years, it will change back to its iron form." Mr Lu said,"Then isn't it harmful act to the people after five hundred years? This type of magical isn't worth learning."
The immortal Zhong Li answered,"A man who wishes to practise the path of Immortality must first accumulate three thousand merits and virtues. You have fully accumulated the merits and virtues in your speech just now. You are qualified to practise the Immortal Path." That is why we must practise good deeds sincerely and naturally. We should not even keep it in our mind after we have done it. By doing so, even a small goodness will reap abundant merits and blessings but if we were to do goodness with a purpose or hope for a reward, it is still considered half goodness even if we have practised it our whole lives.
For example in donating money to help others, we must give as if not giving. We should not even feel that we are helping others or someone is getting the help. Then one will not be attached to the money, oneself and others. This is the state of a pure mind. Thus even with the donation of one cent, it can eradicate thousands of kalpas of offences. Even a decalitre of rice will reap abundant blessings. But if after giving, we are always thinking of the good deed or hoping to get a reward, or our mind undergoes agony in parting with it. These are only half goodness even if we have given tens of thousands of gold pieces.
In addition, there are great of small goodness, difficult and easy goodness. In the past, there was a man whose name was Wei Zhong Da. He was a government officer. Once his spirit left his body and was brought to the Dark Realm. The King Yama asked his follower to present him the record of good and evil deeds. He saw that the record of evil deeds have fully covered the whole courtyard while there were only a few pieces of good records.
King Yama asked his follower to weigh the good and bad deeds. It was found that the record of bad deeds weighed lighter than the good ones. Mr Wei was very surprised and enquired,"I am only twenty years old. How come there are so many pieces of bad record?" King Yama answered,"It is not necessary to commit an offence. Just by giving rise to an evil thought is an offence itself."
He asked again,"Why does the good record weigh heavier than the bad one?" KIng Yama answered,"The government often carried out big projects of construction. When the bridge in Shan Zhi was being repaired, you had sent in your suggestion. Mr Wei said,"Yes, i did hand in the proposal but it was not accepted. So how could it be so heavy?" King Yama answered,"Although the government did not accept your proposal, it was your kind thought to benefit the people that counted. If the government were to accept it, your merit would have been even greater."
From here we can see that if we wish to benefit millions of people in the world, a small goodness will reap abundant merits and virtues. But if we only think of our benefit or to benefit only one man, a great amount of giving only brings little merits and virtues. And talking about diffcult and easy goodness, it is like nurturing and restraining one's conduct. We must first study our faults and try to subdue the worst of evil habits. If we could do so, other minor faults would naturally be subdued.
For example in Jiang Xi, there was a teacher, Mr Shu, who used up the savings of his two years' salary to pay the fine of an offender so that the latter could reunite with his wife. In He Nan, Mr Zhang took out his ten years' savings to pay the debts of a debtor so as to save the latter's wife and daughter. Mr Zhang, an old man in Zhen Jiang, was without a son. Despite this, he could not bear to marry a young girl as his wife. The above are examples of good men who could give up all they had to help people who were kind and considerate and who only thought of others' benefit. These are difficult goodness as they are able to do what others cannot do, tolerate what others cannot tolerate.
The difficult goodness is genuine goodness. They will surely receive abundant blessings from the Heavens. People who are poor and without status find it very diffuclt to help others. But if they could try to practise goodness while facing all adversities then this is most invaluable. They will reap greater blessings. It is easy for the rich and powerful people to practise goodness and accumulate virtues. But if they do not care to do so, they are just being heedless by giving themselves up. As the common saying goes,"To be rich and yet unkind is not much different from a fat pig!"
Think of the last time you were happy...
Think of the last time you were angry...
Which will you choose the next time?
Anyway today i'm going to share with you guys the difference between goodness. In accumulating merits, there are differences between genuine and fake goodness, upright and crooked goodness, hidden and visible goodness, goodness which brings on negative effects, one sided and proper goodness, half and full goodness, big and small goodness, difficult and easy goodness. So we must have a thorough understanding of these different types of goodness before we can really cultivate goodness correctly. At times, we may think that we are practising good deeds but actually we are creating bad karma and wasting our effort.. Haha.. You didn't know that there are so many types right? Let me explain them now... ^_^
For example, we often hear people say, "So and so has practised good deeds but his descendants are not prosperous. So and so has created all bad deeds but his descendants flourish and are very wealthy." So, they regard the common saying, which stated that, "Rewards and retributions will follow one just like the shadow which follows the body" as nonsense.
In fact, these are the confused ones who cannot differentiate between true and false goodness and evil as they do not understand the genuine principle and hold on to wrong concepts. So, we should disregard the teaching of rewards and retribution in the working of cause and effect and treat it as some misleading talks to deceive people.
Let us take a look at genuine and fake goodness. Most people regard hitting people, scolding people and being greedy for wealth as bad. They say that we must be respectful and courteous to people and conduct ourselves with integrity. But such conduct is not necessary good or bad.
We must go further to investigate the motives and aims before we can come to a conclusion to differentiate the bad conduct from the good one. In other words, "As long as we wish to benefit other, then hitting and scolding people are considered as good. If we wish to pursure self benefit, the even respecting and being courteous to others are considered as evil."
In dealing with people in the world, if we can truly benefit others, this is genuine goodness. But if we only pursue self benefit, this is fake goodness. To help poeple with a kind heart is genuine goodness while showing off to other is fake goodness. To practise good deeds without demanding personal gain is genuine goodness while to plan and scheme for self benefit by doing good deeds is known as fake goodness.
Then what is it meant by upright goodness and crooked goodness? Most people say that a good man is one who is cautious and easy going. But sages believe that a good man is one who is brave to shoulder responsibilities, who is diffferent from commoners as he is bold, unpretentious and natural in temperament.
Very often, a man who is overly cautious, weak in nature is considered a good man. But such man is often weak and unsteady as he is easily influenced by others. He lacks the strong sense of will power, morality, righteousness and courage. Thus, from this point of view, we can see that there are many confused and nonsensical phenomena in the world. Overall, the spirits and ghosts between the Heaven and Earth hold the same view as the sages. They are different in point of views from the worldly people.
The difference between hidden virtues and visible goodness. Visible goodness refers to good deeds which are known by others while hidden virtues refer to good deeds which are not known by others. Visible goodness will bring us fame and praise while people who cultivate hidden virtues will greatly be blessed by the Heavens.
When the fame enjoyed by a man is more than his true worth, disaster will follow as fame is not a form of blessing. It should be avoided. Many famous people do not live up to their reputation because they have not accumulated enough merits and virtues. That is why, we often see unforeseen calamities befall upon their families.
So the ancients advised us, "We should not aim to have fame which surpasses our true worth. We must be humble always and maintain a low profile. A humble man is praised by sages." If a man, who has not committed any evil, were accused by others and could endure it, he must be a greatly virtuous man with lofty cultivation. His sons and descendants will often be wealthy and be highly respected by others.
So we must further investigate the statement of the commoners that evil people are often prosperous. On the whole, the difference between visible goodness and hidden virtues, is that the former is clearly seen by others while the latter is not known by others.
What is meant by cultivating goodness which has a negative effect? For example, according to the law in the state of Lu, a man who could pay a ransom in exchange for the captives held by the neighbouring country, would be rewarded by the government as an encouragement.
Zi gong, a student of Confucius did not take the reward after paying the ransom. Upon hearing that, Confucius reprimanded him, "You are wrong! The conduct of a virtuous man is able to bring about a change towards goodness on the culture and way of life of the multitude. He is a model for everyone. How could you act in accord with your temperament and just to get some false reputation?"
"In the state of Lu, we have very few rich people as most of them are very poor. You have shown them a bad example! Next time who will be willing to pay a ransom for the release of captives? People would be ashamed of themselves if they were to take the rewards! The tradition to exchange a captive with a ransom will gradually disappear."
Here is another example. Once Zi Lu who had saved a drowning man, accepted a cow as a token of gratitude from his master. On hearing that, Confucius commented,"In the future, Lu's citizens will surely be glad to help drowning people." This is because one is willing to save while another man is willing to show gratitude. Such conduct will gradually develop into a common practice in the society.
From the above two examples, most commoners would say that Zi Gong was a man of integrity as he was not greedy for the reward, while Zi Lu was wrong in accepting the cow as a reward. But Confucius looked at them from a different point of view. From here, we can come to a conclusion: Do not judge a man from his conduct, we must also consider the effect of such conduct on the society. Do not judge his present conduct, we must study the outcome of such behaviour. We should not judge a man from this gain or less. Instead we must see his impact on the multitude.
If the present conduct seems to be good but has a negative effect on others, it is goodness which only appears to be good but is not truly so. If his present conduct doesn't not appear to be good but can benefit others, it is the actual goodness which has a negative appearance.
Here are other examples. We must not be too lenient and forgive those who could only change their conduct by punishing them. We must truly teach them a good lesson. We must not over praise a man until he loses his senses. We should not for the sake of keeping a minor promises and bring on a greater disaster.
We must not spoil a child and face more trouble later. In fact, there are many more examples. We should calm down and investigate so as to change for the better. Or else it will benefit the saying of the commoners who after witnessing some bad examples, say that those who are kind hearted are struck to death by lightning.
What is meant by improper goodness and proper goodness? For example, once there was a Prime Minister Lu Wen Yi who after his retirement went back to his hometown. The villagers still honoured him. They had a high regard for him just as if he was the Tai Mountain.
One day a drunken villager gave him a good scolding but Mr Lu just kept quiet as he thought those were words of a drunkard. In the following year, the man's conduct deteriorated as he changed from bad to worse. Finally he was sentenced to death after committing a grave offence.
Mr Lu felt extremely regretful. He said, "Earlier on, if i had taken action against his bad conduct by sending him to the court, he would at least have learnt a lesson. Maybe he would not dared to commit such a severe offence which he had done now. "I was wrong in being too lenient with him. I was afraid that people would say that i was using my power to oppress others. And now, i have truly harmed him!" This is an example on how a kind hearted man has committed evil by being too good.
Here is another example of how a man has practised good deeds by being unkind. Once there was a famine and the hungry victims became so violent that they even robbed from others in broad daylight. A rich man reported to the government but no action was taken. And so the people's discipline became worse as they continued to rob without a care in their mind. The wealthy man was forced to punish the rioters and finally, he managed to restore peace in the village.
Most people know that it is proper to do good deeds and improper to commit evil deeds. But we must also understand another point that is if a man were to act with a kind heart but the outcome is bad, it is known as improper goodness. If a man were to act with a unkind mind but the outcome is good, it is then known as the proper goodness.
Morever what is meant by half goodness and full goodness? In Yi Jing(The Book of Change), it was thus stated, "A man who has not accumulated enough goodness will not become famous while a man who has not committed enough evil will not have to face destuction." Just like keeping things in a container, if we are diligent in gathering them, it will soon be full. But if we are lazy and heedless, it will not be full.
For example, formerly there was a woman who went to the pray at a temple. She wished to donate some money to the temple but she could only afford to give two cents as she came from a poor family. The Abbot will come out personally to bless her by reciting the Sutra and bowing in repentance on her behalf. Later when the woman became an honourable lady in the palace and brought a few thousand pieces of gold to donate to the temple. However the Abbot only asked his disciple to recite the Sutra for her on that occasion.
So she asked,"Formerly, i only donated two cents and you came personally to bless me. Today i have donated a few thousand pieces of gold, why didnt you offer your services?" The Abbot answered," Formerly even though the donation was small, you were very sincere. If i did not come to bless you personally, it would have been difficult to repay your kindness. Today your donation is quite alot but you are not as sincere as previously. Therefore, it is good enough to ask someone else to bless you." Taking this as an example, the donation of thousands of gold peices is half goodness and donation of two cents is full goodness.
There was an immortal Zhong Li, who wanted to teach Lu Dong Bin the magical art of transforming iron into gold so as to benefit the world. Mr Lu asked,"Will this type of gold return to its original form?"The immortal Zhong Li replied,"Yes! After five hundred years, it will change back to its iron form." Mr Lu said,"Then isn't it harmful act to the people after five hundred years? This type of magical isn't worth learning."
The immortal Zhong Li answered,"A man who wishes to practise the path of Immortality must first accumulate three thousand merits and virtues. You have fully accumulated the merits and virtues in your speech just now. You are qualified to practise the Immortal Path." That is why we must practise good deeds sincerely and naturally. We should not even keep it in our mind after we have done it. By doing so, even a small goodness will reap abundant merits and blessings but if we were to do goodness with a purpose or hope for a reward, it is still considered half goodness even if we have practised it our whole lives.
For example in donating money to help others, we must give as if not giving. We should not even feel that we are helping others or someone is getting the help. Then one will not be attached to the money, oneself and others. This is the state of a pure mind. Thus even with the donation of one cent, it can eradicate thousands of kalpas of offences. Even a decalitre of rice will reap abundant blessings. But if after giving, we are always thinking of the good deed or hoping to get a reward, or our mind undergoes agony in parting with it. These are only half goodness even if we have given tens of thousands of gold pieces.
In addition, there are great of small goodness, difficult and easy goodness. In the past, there was a man whose name was Wei Zhong Da. He was a government officer. Once his spirit left his body and was brought to the Dark Realm. The King Yama asked his follower to present him the record of good and evil deeds. He saw that the record of evil deeds have fully covered the whole courtyard while there were only a few pieces of good records.
King Yama asked his follower to weigh the good and bad deeds. It was found that the record of bad deeds weighed lighter than the good ones. Mr Wei was very surprised and enquired,"I am only twenty years old. How come there are so many pieces of bad record?" King Yama answered,"It is not necessary to commit an offence. Just by giving rise to an evil thought is an offence itself."
He asked again,"Why does the good record weigh heavier than the bad one?" KIng Yama answered,"The government often carried out big projects of construction. When the bridge in Shan Zhi was being repaired, you had sent in your suggestion. Mr Wei said,"Yes, i did hand in the proposal but it was not accepted. So how could it be so heavy?" King Yama answered,"Although the government did not accept your proposal, it was your kind thought to benefit the people that counted. If the government were to accept it, your merit would have been even greater."
From here we can see that if we wish to benefit millions of people in the world, a small goodness will reap abundant merits and virtues. But if we only think of our benefit or to benefit only one man, a great amount of giving only brings little merits and virtues. And talking about diffcult and easy goodness, it is like nurturing and restraining one's conduct. We must first study our faults and try to subdue the worst of evil habits. If we could do so, other minor faults would naturally be subdued.
For example in Jiang Xi, there was a teacher, Mr Shu, who used up the savings of his two years' salary to pay the fine of an offender so that the latter could reunite with his wife. In He Nan, Mr Zhang took out his ten years' savings to pay the debts of a debtor so as to save the latter's wife and daughter. Mr Zhang, an old man in Zhen Jiang, was without a son. Despite this, he could not bear to marry a young girl as his wife. The above are examples of good men who could give up all they had to help people who were kind and considerate and who only thought of others' benefit. These are difficult goodness as they are able to do what others cannot do, tolerate what others cannot tolerate.
The difficult goodness is genuine goodness. They will surely receive abundant blessings from the Heavens. People who are poor and without status find it very diffuclt to help others. But if they could try to practise goodness while facing all adversities then this is most invaluable. They will reap greater blessings. It is easy for the rich and powerful people to practise goodness and accumulate virtues. But if they do not care to do so, they are just being heedless by giving themselves up. As the common saying goes,"To be rich and yet unkind is not much different from a fat pig!"
Think of the last time you were happy...
Think of the last time you were angry...
Which will you choose the next time?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I'm Back
I'm back for quite some time already. But i'm just too busy to blog.. Too many things to handle and i don't have time for it.
Indeed many things happened during this month and especially when i'm in thailand and when i came back. Plenty of tests but i'm glad that its all over now. Huge thanks to my best friend who always try to make me feel better whenever i'm sad or down.
I think i need to take a little break from my spiritual life and probably start searching for a girlfriend soon! Time for some normal lifestyle.. haha. Time really flies.. Its more than a year since i broke up with her..
Its always so hard to find someone that you have chemistry with... Hopefully i will meet someone soon! Probably a kind and bubbly girl. hehe.
Over the last week, i'm so happy for my good friend adeline. Although she is single once more, but she found something more precious....
Kinship and sister's love. I'm glad to see her getting closer with her sister during this hard period for the both of them. This kind of love can't be bought with any amount of money and its always comforting to have someone beside you and supporting your decision. ^_^
To the two sisters:
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain...
Enjoy and cherish this bonding period and i'm sure someone much better will come along in a short while!
Indeed many things happened during this month and especially when i'm in thailand and when i came back. Plenty of tests but i'm glad that its all over now. Huge thanks to my best friend who always try to make me feel better whenever i'm sad or down.
I think i need to take a little break from my spiritual life and probably start searching for a girlfriend soon! Time for some normal lifestyle.. haha. Time really flies.. Its more than a year since i broke up with her..
Its always so hard to find someone that you have chemistry with... Hopefully i will meet someone soon! Probably a kind and bubbly girl. hehe.
Over the last week, i'm so happy for my good friend adeline. Although she is single once more, but she found something more precious....
Kinship and sister's love. I'm glad to see her getting closer with her sister during this hard period for the both of them. This kind of love can't be bought with any amount of money and its always comforting to have someone beside you and supporting your decision. ^_^
To the two sisters:
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain...
Enjoy and cherish this bonding period and i'm sure someone much better will come along in a short while!
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